“How I Stay Sane in a Critical World”
Photo by: Steven Meisel
____You talk to them on the phone. You deal with them on shoots. You meet them at parties. You read their blogs. You visit their sites. You see them on TV interviews. They are the critical fashionistas who you will see pointing to some poor girls new skirt while exclaiming: “Ohhhh, that’s just so last season’s hemline!!!” as they roll their eyes and cluck their tongues. You want to despise them but you find yourself sounding just like them in no short time! Why?? Because we’re in the fashion industry, kids, and that’s what we are exposed to on a daily basis!
____________++_
I’ve sat in on a few castings in my day. And I’m still embarrassed to admit that it can be a shark frenzying experience. Knee fat. Eye fat. Back fat. Elbow fat. There’s so many places fat can be found when you are a fashionista and you’re looking at a model and/or her book. I’ve seen editors rip up model’s comp cards in front of them as they point to the door and yelled: “NEXT!!!” I saw an art director take hold of a model’s hand and show them how their fingernails were shaped weird and it threw off her whole hand’s visual experience. I’ve watched fashion editors just shake their heads at a model while saying, “oh honey, pleeeeeease! I hope you haven’t quit your day job!” I heard a model booker suggest to one of her young model’s to get plastic surgery on her toes to shorten them.
And I’ve been guilty of it myself. Until about 3 years ago and then something happened to me that was so unnerving that I have ended my trashy, eye rolling BS. I had a young model approach me about doing some testing for her book. She was 6′0″ and probably weighed about 130 pounds. She looked healthy. She looked great, actually. She wanted to do a test doing some body stuff, you know, swimsuits, suggestive nudity, backlit, silhouette shots. I had this idea in mind and thought it would work out great for both of us. And then those fatal words just came rolling off my tongue; “It’d be great if you lost a few pounds for it”. She looked crestfallen, her head bowed and she nodded, saying she had been feeling fat and wanted to lose some weight. She left, I left and I didn’t think much about it. And then 3 weeks later I ran into her at a fashion show. This 6′0″ model had to have dropped at least 20 pounds since that ill-fated day I told her to lose some weight! She came running up to me, excited as hell and twirled around showing me how she took “my advice” and lost weight! I was mortified. I was honestly ashamed of myself. She looked like an Auschwitz victim. Her hip bones actually made a clicking sound when she walked. Her collar bone looked like you could cut yourself on it. Her eyes were sunken back, her hair was limp, her skin was broken out. She obviously had either gotten her results from drugs or starving herself, or both. And it was then that I realized that I have a responsibility to these girls, to these models and I had better watch what I say and how I say it from now on.
Photo by: Steven Meisel
Look, it can become a petty world when everything is based on looks. And I am still confronted with this every day. I get about 10 to 20 emails a week from hopeful models asking me for advice about how to get into modeling. They ask me to look at their pictures and to give them an honest critique. Some of the girls are easy to write back. They have potential and I give them some good advice. But there are some that just don’t have any potential at all. I literally have to get up from my computer sometimes and walk away. I talk to my husband, tell him about the email, play with my dog, distract myself somehow and then come back and sit down, ready to write to them. So what do I say to these girls who just don’t have what it takes? What I do now is thank them for writing to me and tell them they are attractive women! I then remind them of the strict age and height requirements in the fashion industry and if they don’t meet those requirements, maybe they could look into the possibility of doing commercial print work if they still want to pursue it. I leave it impersonal but not necessarily cold. I’m nice but I don’t leave it too open. I feel bad for these girls. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news or dash anyone’s dreams to the ground. I’m also not for lying or misleading anyone either. It’s a tough call and I honestly don’t like this part of the job.
But there is a way to be diplomatic and responsible and avoid just being a complete jerk. I used to be much more of a jerk. One girl fainted while I was shooting her for a beauty campaign. When she came to, I asked her if I could buy her a sandwich?? It was my cocky version of Marie Antoinette’s “Let them eat cake”. It is irresponsible to be such a bitch. These girls are so needy of approval and attention and while it can be annoying, it’s really our job not to berate any one or cause anyone any deeper self esteem issues.
I don’t take myself so seriously anymore. And I don’t take fashion so seriously either. We’re NOT trying to save the world, one dress at a time. We are image makers, we supply the world with beauty and escape. And hopefully we can sell that beauty to the world. Our kindness towards the models and others in the fashion business goes a helluva lot farther than our catty sides. I recognize that I am not the Queen of Be All, End All advice. I offer only my own advice. I urge potential models to seek advice from other photographers. I am careful with my words now. I keep the cynicism off my tongue and abide by my mother’s rule of if I can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. And yes, I admit it, I have found myself often with my teeth biting my tongue and my lips pursed together with a Cheshire Cat grin on my face. Because the tendency to be critical is so ALLOWED and CONDONED in our industry that I know I could get away with being catty and cynical. But now, I simply do not want to hurt any one’s feelings or turn anyone into an anorexic. I have finally realized the responsibility I have with working with the vulnerable people out there who are being judged SIMPLY on WHAT they LOOK like.
I’ll leave you with this: I had dinner with a very close friend of mine and his lover. His lover works for a top fashion company who’s ads you see every month in all the fashion magazines. In other words: Huge Fashion Company. My friend, at one point during the dinner conversation said to his lover, “My God, Sweetheart, you can be so JUDGMENTAL” at which point his lover turned around and said, “I’m in the fashion industry, sweetie, it’s part of my job description”. We all laughed and admitted how true it is. I’m just pointing out that we can water down the cattiness by reminding ourselves of our responsibility in this industry. And that kindness isn’t mistaken for weakness in this situation. It shows true compassion and a dose of humility. Would you like people criticizing how you look when after all, we all know that beauty truly is only “skin deep”? Hey, at the end of the day, being nice and diplomatic has helped me enjoy my job a whole lot more! And that’s what it’s all about!
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Great eye opener article. I’m a newbie in the photography industry and learning more and more on how the industry is, especially with models. This article gave me a better outlook on how to deal with people. Thanks!
A very deep post. I agree that honest critique is essential, but critisim for it’s own sake is out of order.
The fasion industry is run on critism, but it should be open and honest and not bitchy and backstabbing. As a photographer, you are god in the eyes of the models, you are the one who makes them look good, and god only knows they have enough hang ups as it is.
Well done you for seeing that you have a god like power and have made the decision to use it properly.
Moving!! Damn girl, I love it that you are so real!! great post
XV
Nice article Melissa. I really liked it.
Dominik
i’m glad to read this. I am an amateur photographer, and i have realized that I don’t think i like to get into fashion photography. i just so disagree with the way a model HAVE to look. i have a friend that is a fashion photographer and he can photograph the most gorgeous girl (for my standards i guess) and there is always something wrong with her. it just feels so wrong for me.
thanks for this post, it was great.
“I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
Awesome post – thank you!
Hmmm, an interesting and thoughtful post – not always something associated with the “fashion industry”, if I may take my own cynical, critical swipe. As a self-defined intellectual (and what could be more pretentious than that?) I always struggle with how to integrate that particular perspective with my, often times, not so lofty, faggy, bitchy, aesthetic sensibilities. It’s really nice to see the self-introspection and thoughtfulness in your post. It would be great if it could be more fun and less serious, but the game is pretty serious. Examining the human element in the pursuit of idealized, often times non-realistic, aesthetics is a challenge – it really is fun to be that critic until that same energy lands in your own lap. Self awareness includes the honest recognition of one’s impact on others and the world-at-large. Thanks for taking your critical eye to a higher level!
As a dad of a 14 year old girl I get to see this issue from a different perspective. Especially since her ballet teachers keep warning her about getting “fat”. At 5’8″ and 120 lbs she is not fat! As a society we have a really skewed view of what a healthy woman looks like. The other night my wife and daughter watched the “Victoria Secret Fashion Show” on TV. I just couldn’t watch. The women reminded me too much of Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas. Well, except for the big fake boobs. (It may have also been that most of the girls look my daughter’s age and it freaked me out a bit.)
It’s nice to hear that there are people in the fashion industry who are responsible and interested in models who are healthy rather than freakishly thin skeletons.
Of course there is a another side to this. How do we as photographers stay motivated when everyone is telling us our pictures are mediocre at best.
This is very deep and it got me moved. You sound like a good person, Melissa.
Bravo. Good article. I have to commend you for trying to be nice to the models. I was at a shoot/workshop this weekend where we had way too many photographers and 90% of them weren’t very nice to the models at all.
They basically treated them like objects. I’m sorry but models are people just like photographers are people. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
I’m always nice to the model. Ask them to do something instead of telling them like they’re a dog or a robot. Thank them for it and they’ll be more perceptive to your direction next time. Hell, they’ll probably do more for you than a photographer whose a total ass. They’ll also talk to other models telling them which photographers are great to work with and which ones to avoid like the plague.
*gets off his soap box*
I recently started reading your blog and I love the way you approach it. I like hearing about the human side of things sans the lighting schematics.
This post was really inspiring. I’ve long felt that as a society we have a strange view of what is beautiful. Fashion being art is allowed to be extreme but it’s good to remember that there are people under that art. It’s nice to see someone acknowledge that.
Melissa,
What a great post. It’s great to see that you have perspective on what’s important and that you put the model’s health first. There are so many models and aspiring models that need to hear these words.
Thanks!
Rahul
WHOA!!! great post i totally understand on this. What has alway bothered me is that these same folk who really knock down, tear part potential models. They are not the picture of beauty themselves. and how darn someone give a model crap when they could never pose or shooting in the same items.
Seems to me, that the way fashion models look does not represent what the average world looks like. those same consumers who buy there clothing do not look like the models they choice. and OMG!!! i will not even mention the damage that this machine has on the young females. It is in every race and age group. I would love to see the fashion world take there market and show models who look like the folk that buy there clothing.
I just read a similar post last night on Piper Carter’s Blob (VH1′s The Shot) http://studioarena.blogspot.com/
it is talking about the same thing along these same lines.
So who’s the blame? the Designers, The Agencies, The Consumer, the Photographer, the Models.
Open (Think On It)
I admire you so much for writing about this!!
Wow, I love this. Recently I have found myself moving in this direction and thankfully this has had the effect of snapping me back to reality.
Thanks.
Personally I don’t understand photographers’ arrogance and lack of sensitivity towards young models. They need support like any other developing person and to treat then like trash is like filling your petrol tank with water – a pointless excercise. We’re all in this together and to encourage your models, giving advice tempered with humanity is surely the way to go. I must have done tests and portfolios for around 30 girls from a local model agency over the last two years and the word ‘fat’ has never entered the conversation. It’s a question of balance.
Then there’s always the model who’s so full of herself she thinks she’s a goddess – that will have to wait for another blog!
AWESOME!!! Post!!Keep Up The Good Work : )
It’s nice to read something about this, we all know it’s the codes of this industry but everyone seems to think it’s ok, I thaught I was the only one who hated it…. I’m glad I’m not alone… I don’t know if people working with fashion and art act stupid on purpuse or if they are actually stupid… I much rather like to think that they act, it’s bad enough but at least if they’re acting it can change… I sometime hate doing what I love most, creating… I fell like an outsider, like an alien, everyone is so rude around me it’s crazy….
I like what you wrote….We’re NOT trying to save the world, one dress at a time. We are image makers, we supply the world with beauty and escape. And hopefully we can sell that beauty to the world.
you’re right that’s it, I don’t want to be the mother Theresa of fashion but at least I can be kind enough to shut upp when I have nothing nice to say ( like your mother once told you my mother once told me….
I love fashion but I hate the people in fashion, does it make sense???
Nice article, Thank you,
R
How interesting to read something like this from someone who is into the fashion world!
Even more interesting now, couse I’ve thinking about it. Last night I watched a TV show about 5 girls of NEXT Model Agency. There was one from Australia, another one from Slovakya or something like that, and they was only 16!! Five 16 year-old-girls, living in an apartment in NY so far from their families, expecting for a job, dealing with people who has to criticize the way they look, walk, even talk!… Expecting for a job! Please! Give me a break! 16 year-old-girls have to go to school, date guys and have fun, nothing else.
But some way I kind of understand it, because if I was 16 and tall and pretty and skinny and would have the potential to be a top model and make money, maybe I would do it, too.
Well, I think many things about it… Anyway… Interesting article!
XOXO
Layfan.
Great post!
I think one of the work hazards in fashion is that its easy to start feeling bad about yourself when you’re surrounded by incredibly beautiful, youthful, successful people all day. I think a lot of the cattiness comes out of a sense of insecurity on the part of the people behind the scenes who are not being asked to stand in front of the camera.
My advice to photographers (and everyone else):
Treat everyone you work with respectfully–it will pay off in better pictures and a better career.
My advice to models is to skip the eating disorder and do the following for yourself and your career:
Don’t smoke and stay out of the sun–those things will give you wrinkles faster than anything. Don’t party too hard and get plenty of rest before a shoot–no need to show up with bags under your eyes.
Have a strong core–posture, strength, and a defined waist more than make up for a couple of pounds of weight. I’ve seen plenty of underweight models who still have a buddah from inactivity and/or vodka. Yoga, pilates, Lotte-Burke and the like all help you learn how to pose better as well as keep you in shape.
Models are like athletes in that they work with their bodies, so they should take care of their bodies!
This still hasn’t solved my problem of feeling like an aging uggo with a big nose, but acting like a jerk doesn’t help either…;-)
its good to see someone choosing compassion over acting like the majority
a lesson we all should learn.
Wow that is a bit of an eye opener. I thought there were moves in the fashion industry to move away from the size zero death warmed up looking models and encourage a more healthy look.
It’s scary to think that someone like Marilyn Monroe would probably be too fat and short, although I guess she was more glamour than fashion.
Hi Melissa,
What a great post! I hope that it will influence others to stop and think of the effect they have on people they deal with. Given the real physical consequences, you might even have saved a life or two here.
Of course, having been a recipient of your kindness and encouragement in the past, I am not surprised that you would both make the effort yourself, as well as encourage others to do so.
Best Regards,
Dan
Some interesting points Melissa, I can wholeheartedly agree with what you say about the inherent bitchiness of the fashion industry, however there are certain cases when I think honesty is more important than being nice.
Girls (and guys, let’s not forget them) come to me and say “I want to be a model. Will you shoot a portfolio for me?”. If they truly don’t have any potential I will tell them why they don’t because, as a professional, I think people coming to you for advice deserve an honest response.
It’s easy to hide behind non-committal responses and fake niceties. Would you rather a model has their hopes dashed and gives up early on or would you rather they work at it for two years, get nowhere and realise the last 24 months of their life was wasted?
Hello
I like this post a lot. And obviously everyone has an opinion about it. Yay. You’re a nice person. We all need nicer people in this world. Of course like lawrence said you have to be cruel to be kind as well. So I guess it’s hard for you sometimes. Anyway, a different angle, I have friends who are really skinny but they don’t look unhealthy because they naturally have that body. And they’re often stereotyped as anorexics and I think it’s important that everyone should be aware that they should be the normal for their own body type and not the normal of someone elses. Like that ad campaign that said real women have curves. Well, some real women don’t have curves, does that mean they aren’t real women? So people need to figure that out and stop being so judgey.
Yup.
Keep up the good work
Great post, and i adore your honesty. I’ve always been fairly critical but i keep my mouth shut, mostly because i’ve had to deal with my own lovely eating disorder. I just personally know what it’s like and i’d never want anyone to make them self sick for pictures. I’m not a fashion photographer though, I capture various body types but i do love the images that come of fashion and it would be something i want to eventually branch into, giv’er a whirl so to speak. i really appreciate the tact that you use now, honest but not needlessly mean. I like that fact that you call this taking responsibilty, and my respect for you as a perfessional and as a person is lifted higher now.
Hey, great post!!
So, I’m kind of wondering if anything else ever happened with the girl you gave “advice” to. Did she keep trying to stay at that ridiculous weight? Did you ever talk to her about it or did she go back to a healthy weight?
I’m thankful there are people like you in this world. Gives us hope! Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts.
It should be made clear to fashion models that theirs is not a career. If they keep the perspective that their job is temporary, like fashion itself – then perhaps they will not solely focus on modeling. Designers and editors want models to be 19. So what do you want to do when you are 20?
It is great advise to not take any of our roles that seriously. I really enjoyed your article for its honesty and humanity.
I experienced exactly this critical attitude years ago when I used to model. It is completely fair to see a model and like or dislike certain aspects of his or her appearance and it is definitely helpful to point out areas that might help that person get more work. But the condescending overly critical bitchiness is so unprofessional and I am surprised that so many in the fashion industry fall victim to it. If their work was subjected to such unfair ridicule I am sure it would be just as devastating to their self esteem. I love fashion but as you said it is not such serious business. It should make people feel good! If you are running around like a tyrant with an inflated sense of self esteem, making people feel less than human, than you have completely missed out on the spirit of fashion. When I left the type of casting that you described, I simply felt bad for the people that were so rude. I assumed they must be miserable for carrying around such an unpleasant state of mind.
Em
wow, thank you for that. It’s all so true, at the end of the day, who are we to judge?
amazing how the first shot is. they all look like they’re already actually doing their job-while actually they’re undergoing counseling.
i could just imagine how you could just crop out each and every one and have it as legit. the poses are just so innate..amazing.
Your teachings are great
I will always remember this when I’ll get to my dream 
Great ideas.
Every time i come here I am not dissapointed, nice post
now i find what i want to know.. thank you for this informations..
good you started the thread, people will take it more serious
A beautiful post. Really beautiful.
I just wished that 90% of the industry thought like you have indicated in this post.
And perhaps if they had a sense of their place in the world (i.e. when the history of this century is written, 99.9% of the peeps in the fashion industry won’t even get a mention in the footnotes) they wouldn’t be so pompous.
I just hope you can infect a load of people in the industry with your more pleasant attitude.
Regards,
Great articles & A nice site
Could not have put it better myself..
I have experienced the same, time and time again with and others involved on the pariphery. ????? of shooting fashion, clients telling models at castings YOUR TOO THIS TOO THAT ETC ETC..NOT THIS OR NOT THAT. I have been ashamed to even be associated with them .. But as said ITS FASHION DARLING.. I have my own thoughts and way of behaving, which is far removed from the expected FASHIONISTA methods.. LOVE LOVE LOVE.. BEAUTY BEAUTY BEAUTY Spread out energy that encourages and increases good energy NOT DIMINISH AND DESTROY.
I wish only to portray good energy in my images, I achieve this by projecting to those that come into my world..
BRUCE SMITH
I now brief my clients before castings to leave out any personal hurt full remarks.
This is a great article. I started in fashion first as a model when I was 14 and then pursued photography when I finished school. I tried my best to “like” the fashion industry because I LOVE fashion photography, but after 7 years I decided I’d had enough catty, bitchy backstabbing, egotistical, UNJUSTIFIED narcissism…and now I’m finishing my psychology degree haha.
If there were more people like you in the industry when I started out I probably wouldn’t have changed careers…however, I’m glad that I did, because the psychological perspective that I now have, (and your blog) has re-ignited my passion for fashion photography once more and I’m now considering returning to it with a thicker skin and a more mature attitude…and also a positive outlook that people in this industry can change their attitude, just like you have.
You are such an inspiration, both creatively and professionally!
Thank you.